I decided to finally get my varicose veins done that have been not very pretty since the birth of my kids. I had an appointment at a vein surgeon my doctor recommended and was just about to go see him when I decided to YELP him and too many people said he was an idiot. So I YELPED what vein doctor is not an idiot and doesn’t kill people and I came across Beach Cities Vein something with a Dr. Rayman at the helm. The day I want to see him I happened to be wearing the free Bruce T shirt I got at the concert in March. When he came into the office, he nearly scared the crap out of me by yelling OH MY GOD BRUUCCCCEE. Did you go to the shows? Yes Doc I did, I assume you did too. He did on Tuesday and Saturday thank God which was the best night cause I certainly didn’t want him being pissed at me for seeing a better show especially since he would be standing over my leg with sharp objects in the near future.
My day for the varicose procedure came and I thought about wearing the Bruce T-shirt just in case but opted not too. I thought about wearing my new Who one I got the other night, but even I can’t wear a T shirt two days in a row. I decided to be incredibly brave this time and let him do the procedure in the office like most normal people. I am DEATHLY afraid of anything medical including the filling of cavities. I get teeth pulled under general anesthesia. He assured me it wasn’t bad at all and I could handle having it done in the office rather than waiting weeks for a surgical center and great dreaming fluid. Ok I said but I expect some type of maybe “I can doze a bit aid” . We agree I can come early and take a Valium and that should be ok. I get there today and we do just that. They give me a 5mg Valium when I get there cause it takes half an hour to take effect. Now I hate Valium, and basically every other kind of prescription tune out the world kind of drug there is but ok, this is necessary so I don’t scream bloody murder during the procedure and annoy the other tenants who would end up calling the cops. An hour later they start to get me ready. No Valium affect in sight. Look , I tell the nurse, my tolerance of drugs is extremely high and my tolerance of pain is non-existent. Find another Valium please. They do, I take it. It does nothing. I should have brought my own 6 pack of beer I tell them. They thought that was cute and told me there is some rule against that.
The nurses are getting me ready and the one near the computer asks what I want to hear during the procedure. DUHH! Your boss is the biggest Springsteen fan on the planet according to him, what do you think? Great choice, she’s thrilled and says the Doc is going to be so over the top happy about this. She hits a button and Thunder Road comes on and I take it as a good omen I am going to live cause it’s my favorite Bruce song BUT could be a nice send off also should things go wrong. The next song that comes on is Beast of Burden. Huh?? Nurse, nurse, what the heck is that? It’s not a Bruce song believe me. O she says, that’s just how Pandora works. You pick an artist, they play a song by him and then it plays songs kind of like the songs of the artist you picked. And this is better than FM radio because???? Make it stop I tell her. I don’t know a damn thing about any Pandora other than it’s usually a box you shouldn’t open and judging by the fact this is playing the worst possible Stones song ever, I rest my case. Well, she says then the Doc will have to bring his IPHONE in cause they think he has all the Bruce music on there only.
Doctor Rayman comes in and we start discussing the set list because that’s very common now during surgical procedures to go over the set list of music that will be playing with the doctor. He agrees no freaking Pandora, whips out his IPHONE, brings it to Bruce and he only has seven albums. OK I say let’s go with my two favorites, Darkness and Born to Run. Is that enough time I ask him for the surgery? He’s not quite sure, but we have a problem in that he looks and looks and can’t find Darkness anywhere. Ugggh, good thing I am not paying him by the hour. Ok ,tell you what I say, let’s do Born to Run and the River, that we you get a lot of time. He’s happy. I’m happy. He kicks it off with Thunder Road and another problem. He has to find a better Bluetooth speaker cause we certainly can’t listen to it off the cheap phone speaker. Ok but Thunder Road is playing and he has to leave the room to do this and I do too either to use the bathroom for real or try to escape out the window. He goes to leave the room and stops and says, first we have to stop the music. We have to pause the music if we have to leave the room. I KNOW that, I say! I’ve seen tons of Twilight Zone episodes.
While he fiddles with the speaker he now finds, I ask him, guess who I saw the other night? (Ok come on, I couldn’t resist). Who, he says. Yep, I say. Who?, he says, yes that’s who. Ok he’s got other patients so I tell him the THE WHO, that’s who I saw!! Any guesses whether he is a Who fan?? O my God, how did I miss them was his reply.
So we are plugging along. I’m sitting on the table while they are getting everything ready and we get to 10th Avenue Freeze Out and I just happened to say hey I have to get a video of you guys getting me ready and before you know it the nurses and the Doc are just having a blast with it. Doc believes I may very well be his first patient to request Bruce for the procedure. Nothing like having your leg frozen to that song, let me tell you. The nurse wants to go out on some night with me and of course what do I tell her she can come to?? A TITLE TRACKER SHOW!! So after the video I then go into my dissertation of what a lost Title Track is. She is so cute and so young that the Doctor now is chuckling as I am explaining the need for a title track to Exile on Main Street to her.
The good news, I think, is I get to do this all over again in two weeks. As I was leaving Doc gave me a prescription for Motrin and I gave him a prescription for Darkness on the Edge of Town. This is as great a group of people as you can ever have taking care of you. I love you Dr. Rayman and Mrs. Rayman and the nurses whose names I’ll remember by the time my legs are brand new. Thanks for not killing me.